Absolutely Crippling Stupidity - How do Some People Survive?


#1

I have someone who is possibly the scariest person I have ever had in my inbox at present.

It’s terrifying. They start with the vague line, “can you do copywriting for my startup?”

From experience, if I say something like “you would need to tell me more about your startup” or “what do you do?” I get back answers like, “it’s about soap.” For this reason, I sent out my overused questionnaire which breaks down what I need in simple terms.

Sadly, what was returned to me was gibberish.

Question: What problems do your customers face, that you have the ability to solve?

Answer: We have organic soap we want to sell. We want a name like organicsoap.com we will sell lots of different soaps. We need our website to launch in 2-3 days max.

They had basically just ignored every question to repeat what they should have said in my inbox.

Nighttime arrives and I go to bed. In the morning, I find 10+ messages from the same buyer messaging via different gigs. Do I have any questions? How much will it cost? Can they see samples of similar work? Do I offer discounts? They need a video too, can I send some samples?

Quite firmly I replied with:

I’m afraid I can’t help. You need to think logically about this. I do not know who you are or what your company does. There are thousands of different types of soap, I don’t know who your target audience is, what pages you need, or what your USPs are. I would advise that you go away and create a content plan and answer all the questions on my questionnaire thoroughly. Then I will let you know if I can help.

The response:

What kind of soap can you write about?

I ignore this and then later receive 4 pages of cut and paste text from an insurance company website.

This is how we want the content to look.

I reiterate that I can’t help for what I hope is the final time. Then comes:

Why?

And so now I’m off to the shop to get a bottle of wine :wink:


#2

When they can’t answer your questionnaire, you know it’s time to say no. Very useful “not a serious buyer” tool, I find. I know what you mean about the copypasta from their website though. It might be a question about their target audience answered with some fluff about cat scarves (or whatever) ripped from their semi-finished lorem ipsum page instead of:

“Angela, 58, is a crazy cat lady with no job who will buy any old cat-related cr*p. She lives in an untidy, cluttered, hair-filled house with 101 cats and has an unexplained fortune. In her spare time, she likes reading about cats and shouting at vagrant children loitering outside her house because they ‘scare the cats’. Her last relationship finished in 1985, when she adopted her first cat, Mittens.”

I hope you blocked them. I would have done so quite quickly…


#3

I don’t have this feature. I can only report them for spam.

I was tempted to send a custom offer for $20 for an “Edward Norton & Truly Organic Soap” article, but I feared they would accept.

Crazy cat lady sounds interesting. Did you get the same crazy cat lady documentary recommend by Youtube as I did today? That would be scary. However, I did feel sorry for the thirty something woman who realized she was only a few cats away from full blown crazyness. - And the older German woman who was a bit bewildered by how it all happened.


#4

You don’t have the block feature? I’ve had it since day one. I love it. I instantly blocked a bunch of people and now I just click on it when annoying people (like your not-buyer today) don’t seem to understand what the simple word “no” means after more nice ways have not worked.

Crazy cat lady is a fevered product of a tired imagination rather than based on a real person (although I have no doubt this person has, does, or will exist). Might watch that docu lately - it’s been a while since I watched crazy people on TV masquerading as a documentary show. The YT channel Only Human has LOADS of those. I like the OCD people swap lives with hoarders ones myself.


#5

Yeah, I’ve seen all the OCD Only Human stories. I would strongly recommend the crazy cat lady documentary. Until today, I didn’t realize that crazy cat ladies actually go out there and trap cats to take home.

I can block people who have ordered previously but not people who message. These I have to dance around and simply hope they get the message.


#6

That’s weird, because I’ve always been able to block people prior to ordering. Either is is a special feature for special people or it’s another wonderful beta test which means it will disappear into the ether like all the best ones sooner or later.

Yes, I shall watch Crazy Cat Lady Docu later. I would like to learn more about cat trapping!


#7

The first three minutes of this one are pretty funny too:

I’m going to turn off Youtibe now though. My website was hacked yesterday and I should really start fixing it.


#8

Oh, that reminds me of something I saw somewhere (a skit, I think) where there was a ‘new mom’ trainer who taught new moms how to deal with their little bundle. Anyway, part of it involved nappy change while being assaulted with squirts of water from the pretend baby’s nether regions.

Bad news about the website…


#9

Alas, the Youtube algorithms rarely suggest such pleasant videos. Now I’m on Real Stories how to start a you know what cult. It’s based in Darlington, a place near my hometown. I can’t stop watching…

The website seems screwed. I’ve also got some GDPR subject access requests in the inbox (all from spammers) which are causing me a new nightmare. I think the last person who wanted to buy the domain name has gone nasty. Or it’s still the fallout from cryptogrind. - Or something to do with the Reddit weirdness.

I blooming hate WordPress to begin with. Now its like wading through a jungle of :poop: Next time I’m just blocking everywhere but the U.S. to make life easy.


#10

I think the mom video was on FB (I have a lot of friends with babies) from some influencer. But it was easy enough to find using the words viral and… well, I’m sure you can guess the other keywords…

The cat lady documentary is interesting. You were right about the hilarious first 5 minutes (everyone should watch it to see the woman put whiskers on her face and then imitate her cats’ different miaows) but after that it turns into tragic life stories. Personally, I think they need to get rid of their kitty crutches and deal with the obvious issues, but hey ho. :frowning:

EDIT: The nasty tictics thing is definitely a possibility. You could domain squat… (I don’t really know much about that, but there’s not much to hack on parked domain, gimme $5000 for this URL pages, is there?)


#11

Yeah, but I can’t make affiliate ad revenue on a parked domain and they only increase in value the more you build them out. OMG got me 0.12 BTC without doing anything really. It’s not much but it’s reason to keep on going. It also turned out to be the partner content I was publishing which was generating the ad revenue. - And the same random Russians leaving spam comments on posts are the same who have filed SAR requests.

This is what I don’t like about the Internet. It used to be anyone could have a blog etc. Now (in Europe at least) you need money upfront to pay for top notch security and a legal team.


#12

Gotta keep the peasants down… .12 is quite impressive, with that said. Perhaps the US-only thing might work, but then that might cripple your affs. IDK.

I’ve not had any issues yet, but I do have a very boring pro website/blogspam thing, so I’m not expecting any.


#13

I have a choice. I can block or report them.

If they have messaged me, I can only report them.


#14

This is what makes me wonder, because over on The Other Place that’s what most people seem to report when discussing this. Since it was introduced, I can block from first contact. I just don’t know if I’m part of a special test group or its because of my dainty lil’ badge.