Soon I will Have to Make a Decision


#1

I made a new friend tonight. I don’t think we are friends from his perspective. However, to me, he is memorable and therefore gets the title automatically. His name is something like Meriem. He is from Eritrea. We kind of made friends because in the all white expat bar which is my kind of local, he walks tall, claims a seat wherever he likes, and drinks the same Skol beer as everyone around him, despite the fact that no one ever speaks to him or acknowledges his existence.

To cut a marginally drunk night short, we talked and agreed upon the fact that we both hate the world and would both like nothing more than to be just left alone with a small piece of land. Then I said I would like a gun to protect my piece of imaginary land. And then me and Meriem had our first (and possibly only) argument.

Apparently, in Eritrea many people once thought that having a gun would be a good way to safeguard an investment in private property. Then a kind of chaos descended where guns became the in thing for everyone protecting everything from property to religious and political ideals. Then you just get bloodshed, paranoia concerning who has the most guns, and an actual farmer who didn’t have enough guns in the end, working for $3 an hour in a country where no one but the odd Englishman with bad hair will ever talk to you.

(The odd Englishman was me).

Now, tonight was the first night I have ‘been out’ for nearly a year. For most of the past year, I have literally sat, worked, and saved enough to get away to somewhere else. In retrospect, I’ve distanced myself from my immediate world on purpose, so I don’t continually experience nights like this evening.

I want my own adventure. However, whenever I resubmerge, myself in the real world, I always come away with the same problem. I see other people. I end a chance meeting with a sense of “wow, there’s more going on here.” And when I try to go back to plans to leaving, I feel ashamed of myself for attempting to run toward what is really my own sense of self-preservation.

All the above being the case, the decision I will soon have to make is a simple one. Do I just try to keep on selfishly ignoring a world of other peoples stories around me? Then leave. Or do I decide to be here and start finding a way to make a noise about some of the things I see every day?

The choice might seem easy but the world we live in is a political hand grenade. One stray opinion and boom goes your career. In this case, what would you choose? Convenience or Danger?


#2

What the f was that?

Anyway, 2 more articles and I’m off to the gym.


#3

Nobody can really answer that question other than you, dear Odd Englishman. Perhaps you’re just craving some action - any action - right now because you’ve gone from being someone who travelled, to someone with responsibilities to others that clash with a growing desire to move/get out/do something. Then you’ve got all the external pressures, which never help. So you know, I reckon a good thing to do would be something that’s not permanent to see how you feel afterwards. For all your options.

Try taking a trip to the Italian mainland for a week with your dog? I have no idea how feasible that really is, mind. Go to Sicily and try not to trample over those mafia toes? I don’t think Malta’s a very good place to ‘talk about the things you see everyday’ from what I see in the news and what you’ve written here and there over the years tbh.

Either way, from what you’ve written, you may be over-thinking and even over-intellectualizing what you ‘need’ to do next, rather than doing something. I am an exparts at this, so my advice is to do something temporary. Or do what I do, which is nada until it’s too late…

Or become more anti-fragile, which I believe was the invaluable advice that Investor was trying to impart prior to going to write an important article or two about geese mating habits in Singapore and lifting 1lb weights in his garage. I may make a photoshop of that later…


#4

I was about to say … … but realized you’re a female, so decided to stay quiet. My momma taught me to always respect women, even the crazy ones.


#5

:wink:

(20 characters etc)


#6

You can advise me on being anti-fragile, when you demonstrate an ability to not fall apart on a daily basis.

Also, either your mum was horribly bad teacher or you were a horribly poor student. In fact, you alone are the reason I haven’t transitioned yet. :wink:


#7

:roll_eyes:

Whatev…


#8

My friend, you need a vacation away from Malta. See something different and exotic! Go someplace you’ve never been, can’t speak the language, nor the local cuisine.

Flirt with a pretty senorita, drink exotic wine, eat adventurous foods, and enjoy life to the fullest.

I can’t wait for my next vacation!


#9

You are correct but my dog makes this extremely difficult. I have already learned the hard way that Air Malta wont carry him. I can travel to Amsterdam or Germany with Luftansa and that is pretty much it. Of course, in Germany I can get everywhere from Cyprus to Georgia after that.

I need someone with a boat or a Tardis. In this case, if you happen to have either, give me a shout!


#10

Cy, have you tried the migrant traffickers? I have been told that they offer boat transportation. :thinking:


#11

They don’t take pets. :frowning:


#12

The thing about being anti-fragile is not giving a s… about what people think or say about you :wink:

Anyway, I love how much this country has progressed - I can now order Keto Diet-based meals online! Awesome! Until a year back, I was the only Indian who knew about Keto Diet, and now we have multiple restaurants making “Keto Only Recipes”. Just amazing!